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    愛情文章

    感情的縫隙

    時間:2018-10-26 18:12:51   作者:網絡   來源:網絡轉載   閱讀:24716   評論:0
    內容摘要:  情感這東西真的非常厲害,還很難伺候。我一直覺得自己是個控制力很強的人,但還是沉了下去。這個過程太奇妙,讓我不由自主。    我下崗后,老婆很失落,整天哭喪著臉。我知道她著急,可我也需要安慰。34歲就沒了工作,我能不急嗎?可整個行業都不景氣,我能有什么辦法?    如今,我反而......

      情感這東西真的非常厲害,還很難伺候。我一直覺得自己是個控制力很強的人,但還是沉了下去。這個過程太奇妙,讓我不由自主。
      
      我下崗后,老婆很失落,整天哭喪著臉。我知道她著急,可我也需要安慰。34歲就沒了工作,我能不急嗎?可整個行業都不景氣,我能有什么辦法?
      
      如今,我反而慶幸自己下崗了。在單位上班時,每個月我才拿千把塊錢;而炒股趕上行情好,一天就能掙好幾千。老婆的黑臉讓我明白了感情這東西靠不住,“夫妻本是同林鳥,大難當頭各自飛”。下崗的經歷和老婆的變化是我人生的一大劫難,讓我覺得原來自己特別當回事的東西忽然一下子變得十分淡漠,什么都無所謂了。但我并不想離婚,離婚了孩子怎么辦,房子怎么辦?
      
      炒股挺毀人的,干了這件事,別的什么也干不了。親戚讓我在夏天幫忙照看冷飲店,但我散漫慣了,根本待不住。在股市上甭管賠、賺,每個月我都要交給老婆2000塊錢。說實在的,那感覺簡直就是湊合著過日子,什么感情不感情的,只要不讓孩子缺爹沒媽就行。就在情感沒有著落的時候,她乘虛而入。
      
      她挺干凈的,俊俏的臉上有一種憂郁。因為在證券交易所常見面,偶爾碰見了會點點頭。可有一天,她走過來坐在了我的身邊,弄得我挺不自在的。遲疑了很長時間,我還是沒開口說話,她也沒說話。直到臨近中午時,她才說:“你怎么坐著不動呀!不餓?”我說:“待會兒買個盒飯就行了。”她說:“前面有個小飯館挺干凈,不如上那兒坐坐?”
      
      股票市場不但有很多誘惑,還是個魚龍混雜的地方,什么樣的人都有。有拿過經濟學博士學位的,有蹲過好幾年大獄的,股友們除了神吹海侃,彼此之間并沒有實話。萬一說漏了嘴,讓黑心人給綁架了怎么辦?我心想吃頓飯也無所謂。可那天,她說的話挺對我的心思。她說現在很多人都言論股市不規范,莊家投機取巧,但股市就是一個允許投機取巧的地方。也許是我太想賣弄了,我說自己炒股跟種莊稼一樣,在春天選股,因為過完春節,一般的莊家都會調整,可以選擇的股票比較多。經過一個夏天,賠賺也就看出來了,秋天就擇情賣掉。她讓我幫忙選幾只股票。這讓我感到為難,賺了錢還好說,萬一賠了怎么辦?可能是運氣好,我幫忙選擇的3只股票都賺錢了。她說請客,我也沒推辭。飯桌上,她告訴我她老公移民去了加拿大,說是安頓下來再接她們娘兒倆出去。可等了3年,收到的卻是丈夫委托律師帶來的離婚協議書。她沒心思上班,湊了些錢在股市開了個戶頭,但沒賺到錢。當時,我覺得那男人心真黑,為自己安逸,連老婆孩子都不要了。
      
      后來,她一連好幾天沒露面,我心想這女人真夠新鮮的,股市行情好了反倒不露面了。不知是閑得無聊,還是真惦記她,腦子一熱,我就撥通了她的手機。我這邊還沒問,她在那邊就哭開了,并且說想見到我。我按她說的地點找上門去,剛一進門,她就撲在我的懷里哭了……
      
      她的境遇倒真應了那句話,“黃鼠狼單咬病鴨子”,她的孩子出事了,掉進一眼沒有井蓋的污水井里淹死了。
      
      我們真正的交往是從這時開始的。時間一長,我對她就有了一種牽腸掛肚的惦念。最后,連警戒線也沖破了,兩個人之間的距離明顯縮短了,生活也感覺美好起來。我和她在一起,不僅感到內心很舒暢、很松弛,還有一種共鳴感。
      
      慢慢地,我犯起了嘀咕,心想自己掉進了情感陷阱。我是她的情人,她是我的情人。倘若我身后沒有妻兒,這種情人關系就是正常的。但我的現狀表明到頭來只是一場情感游戲,一旦被別人知道……另外,我知道世俗故事中講述的婚外情統統沒有好下場,萬一被她訛上,想擺脫都擺脫不了。終于,我找了個自己認為合適的機會,鼓起勇氣提出斷絕關系。她不說話,一直掉眼淚。后來,我只要一提出分手,她就哭。她一哭,我就沒主意了。我很想用錢擺平這件事,但不知道多少錢才能讓她得到心理平衡。我不想把曾經的風花雪月變成反目成仇后的刀光劍影,只想抽身出局。現在的我,有一種人在感情縫隙邊緣懸著的感覺,雖然可以看到秀美的景色,但弄不好就會掉進萬丈深淵。
      
      慶幸,我明白得不算晚。


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