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    母親的眼光

    時間:2018-11-08 17:27:42   作者:網絡   來源:網絡   閱讀:72   評論:0
    內容摘要:第一次在眾人面前痛哭失聲,是在多年以前,我作為一名實習教師在聽別的老師講課的時候。當時那個老教師講的是朱自清的《背影》,聽著聽著,我竟失控地哭出聲來,惹得全班40多個學生都驚愕地看著我。我想起的是娘,是我記事時就有著一頭白發的娘。娘不是我的親生母親,我的父母生了我,卻沒有養育我。娘是村里出了名的傻女人,整天胡言亂語,連...

    母親的眼光  

        第一次在眾人面前痛哭失聲,是在多年以前,我作為一名實習教師在聽別的老師講課的時候。當時那個老教師講的是朱自清的《背影》,聽著聽著,我竟失控地哭出聲來,惹得全班40多個學生都驚愕地看著我。


        我想起的是娘,是我記事時就有著一頭白發的娘。娘不是我的親生母親,我的父母生了我,卻沒有養育我。娘是村里出了名的傻女人,整天胡言亂語,連生活甚至都無法自理。據說,是她給母親接的生,她抱著我的那一刻,竟是出奇地平靜。她的臉上流露出一種母性的光輝,卻是大顆大顆地掉著眼淚。母親生下我一個多月后,便被公安人員帶走,從此和父親開始了漫長的刑期。而我,從此就成了娘的孩子,那一年,娘43歲。

        當時村里人都認為娘是養不活我的,那么傻的一個女人,連自己都照顧不了,更別說伺候一個剛滿月的孩子了。可是,村里人最后終于從震驚中明白,有我在身邊的日子,娘是正常而清醒的。(勵志一生 )她能熟練地把小米粥煮得稀爛,慢慢地喂進我的嘴里;她能像所有母親那樣,把最細膩的情懷和愛傾注在我的身上。人們有時會驚嘆,說我也許就是上天賜給她的良藥。

        娘來到這個村子的時候就是現在的精神狀態,從此便在這里停留下來,為人們提供茶余飯后百聊不厭的話題。就是在這樣的環境之中,我竟也順風順水地長大,而且比別人家的孩子都結實。從記事起,最常見的就是娘的白發和淚眼。聽別人說,娘以前從沒掉過眼淚,自從有了我,便整天地抹淚。我也是很早就知道娘和別人家孩子的媽媽不一樣,她不能和我說話,更多的時候,她都是一個人自言自語,也聽不懂說些什么。她沒有最慈祥的笑容,有的只是無窮無盡的淚水。我甚至感受不到她的關愛,除了一日三餐,別的什么都不管我。

        上學以后,我并沒有受到什么白眼冷遇。這里的民風淳樸,沒人嘲笑我,就連那些最淘氣的孩子也會主動來找我玩,不在乎我有一個傻傻的娘。事實上,自從有了我之后,除了每日的自說自話和流淚,娘幾乎沒有不正常的地方了。印象中娘只打過我兩次,打得都極狠極重。第一次是我下河游泳。村西有一條清清亮亮的小河,村里的孩子夏天時都去水里撲騰,我當然也去。那天,從不管我的娘突然跳入水里,把我揪了上來,折了一根柳條就沒命地抽在我身上,打出了一道道的血痕。我只是不明白,我爬上高高的樹頂去摘野果她不管我,我攀上西山最陡峭的懸崖她不管我,我拿著石頭和鄰村的小孩打得頭破血流她不管我,只在那么淺的河里游泳,她卻這樣狠打。

        還有一次,那時我已在鎮上讀初中了。有一天她到學校給我送糧,正遇見我在校門前和一個女生說笑。當時她扔了肩上的糧袋,瘋了一般沖過來打我,我的鼻子都給打出了血。我雖然不明所以,可依然不恨她。那時我已能想通很多事,也從別人口中知道了自己的身世。這樣的一個女人,能把我拉扯大,供我上學,所付出的,比別人要多千百倍。我感激我的娘,雖然我沒和她交流,可是我已經能體會到那份愛了。而且,天下的母親哪有不打孩子的,況且她只打了我兩次!

        要說娘有讓我反感的地方,就是她的眼淚了。不管什么時候什么地方,只要一見到我就哭。別人家的孩子一個月回一次家,當媽的都是樂得合不攏嘴,而我的娘,迎接我的永遠只有淚眼。有時我問她:“娘,你怎么一見我就哭啊,不如當初你不養我了!”那樣的時刻,她依然淚流不止,說不出一句話來。娘對我從沒有過親昵的舉動,至少從記事起就不曾有過。她很少抱我,連拉我手的時候都沒有。這許多許多,想著想著便也不去想了,娘不是一個正常的人,為什么和她計較這些呢!

        在鎮上上學,娘每月給我送一次口糧。她總是在周六的下午一點鐘準時來到學校門口,而那時我正等在那里。她把肩上的糧袋往地上一放,看上我一眼,轉身就走。我常常怔怔地看著她的背影發呆,那背影漸行漸遠,她間或抬袖抹一下眼睛,輕風吹動她亂蓬蓬的白發。每一次我都看著娘的背影消失在街道的拐角處,不期然間,那背影竟漸漸走進我的夢里。

        考進縣城一中后,娘來的次數便少了,變成了幾個月一次。主要是為了給我送錢,娘自己是很難賺到錢的,那些錢,都是村里人接濟的。那些善良的人們,自從我進入那個家門,他們就沒有間斷過對我們的幫助。高三上學期的一天,剛經歷了一次考試,我和一個住校的女同學一邊往宿舍走一邊討論著試題。(勵志一生 )到宿舍門前時,竟發現娘站在那里,風塵仆仆地,30里的路,她一定又是徒步走來的。她看到我們,愣了一下,猛地沖過來,高高揚起手,停了一會兒,慢慢地落在我的臉上,輕輕地撫摸了一下,那一刻,我的心底涌起一種巨大的感動。她從懷里掏出一卷錢塞進我的口袋里,又看了我一會兒,眼角滲出淚來,然后便轉身走了。我轉頭對那個女同學說:“這是我娘……”




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