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    愛情文章

    有人喜歡你,為什么依然選擇單身

    時間:2019-05-16 03:48:06   作者:網絡   來源:網絡   閱讀:203   評論:0
    內容摘要:每次聚會回到家,空蕩蕩的房間曾經無數次讓我惆悵,我猜想人們會不會和我一樣,每次出來玩樂啊鬧啊看著活潑開朗好不自在,回到家關上門只剩下感傷,想有個人可以陪在身旁。可是也僅限于想想,依然單身。無論多少理由單著,其實都敵不過一句對的人沒出現。至于對的那個人是什么樣子,我想你并不知道。即使你固執的告訴我你知道自己想找的是個什么...
       每次聚會回到家,空蕩蕩的房間曾經無數次讓我惆悵,我猜想人們會不會和我一樣,每次出來玩樂啊鬧啊看著活潑開朗好不自在,回到家關上門只剩下感傷,想有個人可以陪在身旁。可是也僅限于想想,依然單身。無論多少理由單著,其實都敵不過一句對的人沒出現。至于對的那個人是什么樣子,我想你并不知道。即使你固執的告訴我你知道自己想找的是個什么樣的人,我也會固執的說,你并不知道。

      除了那些你喜歡著他但是他不喜歡你的這些特殊群體,他們知道對的人就在那,只是擁有成為了一種奢望。我很想談談對的那個人為什么一直都沒有出現。

      你最喜歡的事情就是等待,等那個對的人出現。你說都等了幾十年了,還再差一兩年嗎。我并不這么看,幾十年了都沒有出現,已經不是一個時間的問題了。在我們的生命中,遇到了各種各樣的人,經歷了各種各樣的故事,時間給了我們足夠多的機會,可是那個對的人始終沒有出現。并不是我們要把地球上每個人都了解個遍才能確定哪個是對的人,或許是我們自己出了些問題,并沒有準備好去迎接這個對的人。

      世界上沒有一個人是可以完全為你準備好,完全與你吻合的。所謂那些準備好的人,大抵都是他在某些地方特別吸引我,感動我,然后他其他的條件和特質我都可以忽略掉,如此便可以在一起了,成為了準備好的人。

      你那么怕錯了。怕這是一個錯誤的人,怕這是一個錯誤的感情,錯誤的選擇。你不敢去確定這是不是你要找的人,你甚至會失去了勇氣去了解。所以在你沒有確定這是一個對的人和對的感情的時候,你不會考慮去開始。

      你怕的還有很多,你怕他不靠譜,怕萬一開始了,你陷進去了,你愛上了,中途他拋棄了你怎么辦,那該有多受傷多痛苦。有一次我問一個女孩,她就告訴了我這樣一個答案,不確定他會一直對我這么好下去,所以不敢去開始。我還見過這樣一個女孩,喜歡她的那個男孩,一如既往的對她好,包容,接納,關心。女孩的脾氣我知道真不是一般人都接納的。女孩的一席話卻讓我驚嘆不已,他為什么會對我這么好,他在忍著他的脾氣,就是為了得到,一旦他得到了,等她愛上他了,他就會爆發,不再好脾氣了。

      原來壞脾氣是一種不愛,好脾氣也是一種不愛。其實無論在試探還是在懷疑,都想去驗證一件事情,他到底會不會一直對我好下去,會不會中途把我拋棄了。如果不能確定這些,那么寧愿不要開始。她們堅信著,對的那個人會給她們一個心安。可是感情這個東西,恰恰經不起這些考驗和猜測,考驗著考驗著,始終看不到希望,也就繼而絕望,感情就漸漸沒了,然后受傷。然后她們又驗證了自己:我沒有選擇開始是對的,他根本堅持不住,不會永遠對我好。

      人總是這么奇怪,越是不敢肯定的東西,就越是懷疑,越是懷疑,就越是想驗證自己的懷疑,結果事情真的就那么發生了。不說吸引力法則會怎么講這個原理,單單從心理學上講,這個東西也很好理解:人寧愿去驗證自己是對的,也不愿意去相信事實是好的。為了驗證她們“他會中途放棄,會傷害我”的結論,她們會搜集各種跡象來證明,會不斷挑戰來驗證,結果真的就發生了。

      對于這個問題,我又和她們有過交流,人家也會擔心你不愛,會擔心你中途放棄呀。在聽到這樣的答案后,我終于沒有再說話:如果開始,我肯定不會放棄他的。

      歸根到底,這就是一個值得的問題。關于自己值不值得被愛,值不值得被一直愛。

      當你內心覺得自己不值得的時候,就會將這種東西投射出來,放到別人身上:你不是認為我值得被愛嗎,證明給我看啊。然后無論他怎么證明,你都覺得不夠。他怎么表決心,你都覺得他會變。自我價值是個很微妙的東西,我們常常感覺不到自己的價值感的低,就寄托于外界來證明,通過外界來索取。我希望得到愛,但是又不相信愛,結果就是:當有人愛我的時候,我感覺很好,但是不愿意去開始這段關系,因為根本不相信這段關系能永遠。

      只是,沒有嘗試就沒有永遠。誰都不能保證一段關系會白頭偕老。更何況,沒有開始戀愛,就想到了60年后會不會還在一起。沒有起步,就開始害怕結局。感情是件同樣需要經營的東西,而不是需要被別人來證明的東西。他再愛你,你不經營,感情也會死掉。他不怎么愛你,你懂得經營,感情就會慢慢升溫,然后永遠永遠。所以你要做的,并不是如何才能證明他會一直愛你。而是學會經營,如何讓他一直愛你。




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